Melanie Jo Moore is exactly the kind of funny and edgy woman author I was hoping to find when I set out with this dino/women’s books blog. She has her own unique sense of humor. She’s not afraid to have fun in a cemetery. And she loves booze.
That’s my kind of girl.
And this is my kind of interview. Meldawg had such awesome quotes in this Q&A, that I pulled some quotes and made them as pretty as possible on Quoizo, a very Pinterest-ey quote generator site. (And I hope by now you realize that when I say “pretty,” I mean the cheesiest effin backgrounds I could find.)
Watch out, fancy food and hair bloggers of Pinterest! Shit’s about to get real.
JULIE CHICKLITASAURUS: For those who haven’t read Letters to Young Chong, tell the ladies out there why this book needs to be in their next book club meeting?
MELANIE JO MOORE: First, it gives you an excellent theme for food and beverage at your book club. Coronas, Margaritas, Artic Monkeys, Fried Ice Cream, Chips and Salsa, quesadillas and taco salads! Are you hungry yet? Better yet, are you thirsty?
Second, this gives book club members a chance to really open up and express some of their craziest excursions and wildest times. I attended a book club meeting for my book a bit ago and it was amazing how many times I heard the phrases “incredibly relatable,” or, “I thought I was the only one to do this kind of thing or think these thoughts.” It truly is a shakeup from the average book club read.
Not in a book club? Have no fear! Letters To Young Chong can be enjoyed all by your lonesome in the company of your favorite drink. Screw those book clubs, you don’t need anyone to tell you what to read!
JC: You and your friend, Melissa, have some wild and crazy times. But I kind of feel like you might be the slightly wilder one? Did you have a crazy childhood? What were you like when you were five?
MJM: I would agree with you that I am the wilder one, but Melissa will surprise you at times! There is a chapter in the book where we return to a business that Melissa feels has wronged her. No adult in their right mind would behave the way she did that day in the name of vengeance.
This will be a shock to anyone who reads the book, I was actually a really good child. I minded my manners, I was courteous, I was respectful. I even thought alcohol was the most evil thing on Earth. (I have a faint memory of hiding under my grandparents’ bed one Christmas and crying because there was alcohol in the eggnog! Woo, did times change!) I’m sure at the age of five, my family was sure I would grow up to be the sweetest nun ever documented.
Then, my hormones kicked in and as a teenager I was bad. I drank, I got high and I once flashed my boobs for a bottle of vodka (Hi mom! Sorry, here I go embarrassing myself again!)
JC: I love your perspective on dating that’s in the book. You are really helping redefine the stereotype that girls are just waiting to fall head over heels in love with Prince Charming. How do you think you gained this perspective? Did your mom give you an awesome “dating talk” when the time came?
MJM: I’m going to have to thank the guys I grew up with for laying the flooring on this one. I was a tomboy and spent most of my time being that odd girl in the gang of boys. I’m not sure why it is only OK for boys to be like, “Woohoo! Sex with no strings attached!” I learned their ways though; be it a blessing or quick damnation to hell. I was never that girl who had wedding plans by the time she was ten, or children’s names picked before high school. I have, however, always wanted a Mastiff named Mufasa since I was twelve. Does that count?
I don’t believe I ever received a dating talk from my mother in my teenage years (other than, “All the boys you date are worthless pieces of shit.”) What I did get from her is the need to be honest. My mother has always been upfront, you will never catch that lady shying away from any topic. I am so thankful for that, otherwise I would have written a diary, not an epic memoir of sex, booze and good times.
JC: Do you think Melissa would ever write a book telling her side of the story?
MJM: Whew! Wouldn’t that be scary! I wish she would because I think that would be hilarious. When I first setup my Facebook fanpage, I had a week where everyday one person from my book was able to express exactly how they felt about me. It was their chance to get me back for telling the world everything. The series was called, “Let Me Tell You About This Bitch.” I invited Melissa, but she insisted that I was the writer of the two of us. I expected to see a rival memoir out called, “I’m A Bad Person Because Melanie Made Me Be.” But no. Maybe she can hire one of those people who pen books for you. Hmmm …
JC: When was the last time you had a margarita?
MJM: Back in January at a birthday dinner. I even got to put the birthday girl’s Xango in my mouth. (Who just searched Xango?)
JC: Quick answer: tequila or vodka?
JC: Ford Escape or the Addams Family mobile (and Lurch is driving!)?
MJM: Oh! You totally caught me! I don’t watch TV and I was like, ‘”What kind of car did the Addams Family drive?” Thank you, Google! I would definitely take the Addams Family mobile with Lurch driving. Isn’t that like rocking a hoopdie with a permanent designated driver?
JC: To dress your dogs for Halloween or not dress your dogs for Halloween?
MJM: If your dog digs it, I’m totally cool with it. I always feel bad to see those dogs who are obviously above costumes. They are shooting you a look that just screams, “Dear God! Call the Humane Society, this is TORTURE!” It’s hard doggie parents, I know. I was in your shoes with a dog who refused to play dress up. Take a few snapshots, post it on Facebook and then undress that dog!
JC: And finally, do you plan on writing another book anytime soon? If so, can you tell my eager litasauruses about it and when they can expect to see it on e-bookshelves?
MJM: Yes! Tomato Stakes – The Memoir of An Unhealthy Obsession, picks up where Letters To Young Chong leaves off. You’ll see some old friends, meet some new ones and make a few more enemies. There’s going to be plenty more drinking, lots more sailor mouth and even a chapter dedicated to the uncircumcised penis. Readers may have the occasional need to bang their head on the wall and scream, “Why?!” I know I do when I read back over the things I’ve done in this upcoming book.
I’m hoping that Tomato Stakes will be available at the end of the year.
Read her amazing blog here.
Buy her book, Letters to Yougn Chong, here.