Writing A Will

The excitement of moving abroad just took a downturn down realistic alley last night.

philosoraptor meme

Man-Beast had a representative from some life insurance company come over. We went over death stuff. Wills. Living wills. Burials … All the fun stuff!

The insurance guy asked each of us if we would rather be cremated or buried.

“Cremated,” I said.

Insurance man made a note of that in his notebook.

Man-Beast thinks for a moment.

“I want to be buried at sea like Osama Bin Laden!” he yells!

Ner. Vous. Laughter.

Trying to move our appointment along (and not writing anything in his notebook), the insurance guy showed us our individual wills and told us all about them. We were supposed to name one main person to contact in case of an emergency (besides each other, because this is in case something happens to both Man-Beast and me.) We are also supposed to name two other, not-so-main people, just in case something happens to our just-in-case-people. The insurance guy talked really fast. He also kept bringing up these “insurance situations” that I would then play out in my head.

Accidental death. Illness. Someone pouncing on me and killing me. He would go off on these horrible situations and then go right into talking about some insurance technicality stuff. My mind was still playing out my accidental death by monkey!

Who me?

So what this “in case of emergency” person would really be responsible for, I’m not sure? Our money. Our things. Pulling the plugs … All the fun things!

He did tell us they should be people we trust. We both put our parents as our number ones.

Then came the number two and three spots. Man-Beast named his brother and his good guy friend.

But I did not have a number two or three person.

I thought about it, and I really can’t trust my sisters with my money or things. And I have friends, but they are more of cooking club friends, not “I’m going to list your name on my will” friends.

Because the big question is, who do I trust?

And we don’t have a lot of money or possessions. So I really don’t care what happens to my stuff, especially when I’m dead. I’d like to donate whatever I have left, in an Angelia Jolie-ish kind of way.

But who to trust, besides Man-Beast? This will take some serious meditating.

The wise one says invest your life savings in natural reserves … and bananas.

And I really do need a number two and three. Because we all know that if Man-Beast was the only one in charge, my dead ass would be dropped off a freaking boat.

{Do you have a will? Are you requesting to be buried at sea? Or is that just my Man-Beast?}

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About julieschicklit

My book blog is dedicated to finding books, stories & ideas that redefine women's literature to be something smarter & funnier. More RAWResome lit for ladies. I am remaining some-what anonymous because I have a day job. My Man-Beast and I are soon going to live abroad in China, so that's why I'm a reblog-aholic.

18 comments

  1. Yup. I have a will. And yup, I want to be buried at sea. Just a suggestion – sometimes it’s a good idea to name someone who’s not that close to you as your two or three. They can often be more objective. Maybe a colleague? A former teacher?

  2. Wow, writing a will – as a senior in high school the idea almost scares me. I’m not even sure whether I want to be buried or cremated yet. I do empathize with you in terms of not having a #2 or #3, though I agree with Lynette that perhaps you should put someone who is less emotionally attached to you and could make more objective judgments regarding your belongings.

  3. moi

    I don’t have a will, but it is something that I should sort out. i am not religious so I don’t really care what happens to me once I am dead, I just don’t want some scummy government bureaucrat getting his grubby paws on my stuff.

    • I am with you, my brother (See!? I know you’re a guy now!) I am also not religious, so I really don’t care. Whatever makes me lasting relatives happy. And I’m also with you on the scummy government. They can’t have my books! (Those will be the only things I have left to my name … Well, it’s the only things I have now. Them, and the cat.) xo

  4. ardenrr

    Hah — I don’t have a will yet as I don’t own anything of importance and everything would just go to my parents anyway which I’m cool with. I would have said cremated too but being buried at sea kind of sounds fun. I imagine myself popping up under some unsuspecting boat or swimmer at some point and scaring the bejeesus out of them … fun stuff

  5. Ugh, this stuff is never fun to deal with. Ours took a depressing turn when we had kids, and the lawyer said we needed to name who would take our son in the event that Hubs and I both die. WHAAAAA? That’s some shizzle you never want to think about. We still waffle on that choice sometimes. Good for you for being responsible and getting it done though!

    • Yes, I can only imagine what it’s going to be like when we have kids and then we decide who gets the joy of raising our minions, should something happen to us. Stressful! And then TELLING the person that you’re bequeathing your kids to them? That also has to be quite the experience!

  6. Argh… adult type, responsibility, growing-up things… Wills and trusts are on my wife and my to-do lists for the very near future and neither of us are looking forward to it… but, now that the little prince is here we have to put something together to make sure he is covered. We don’t even know where to begin… Was it just a normal insurance guy that came over to talk with you two? Like I can just call up my State Farm agent (“like a good neighbor, state farm is there… in my living room, telling me all about accidental deaths by monkeys?”)
    Don’t think I’d care for burial at sea… but, when it comes to it, I’m not sure I’ll really care at all. I haven’t thought about it too much, honestly. I think I’d say I’d like to be cremated and then have my ashes spread out across the Sierra mountains… but, in the end I’ll probably do whatever my wife wants to do.

    • 1. State Farm might offer this kind of stuff? Otherwise, they could direct you to someone that could? 2. Trademark that shit before the people at State Farm hear your new song! 3. Are you talking about the Sierra Nevada mountain range?! Because those are the most beautiful mountains in the world. You must be a smart guy!

      • Yep, Sierra Nevadas. I grew up in those mountains – my family camps on the western side every year (and has since the 40’s), and I go backpacking there once a year too, and my wife and I got married at Mammoth Mountain to top it all off.
        Wouldn’t have even thought to reach out to them, will start there now. Thanks for the idea! I hope the rest of your will/trust stuff goes as smoothly as it possibly can.

      • I lived in Dublin when I was 10! Have you heard of it? It’s a small (well, it was then. Now the Bart runs to it) fake-Irish town by Walnut Creek, Danville area. Where did you live?!

        By 4th grade social studies teacher planned the coolest field trips for us in that area. Hershey’s factory. Symphony in San Francisco. Some 1800s gold mining village. We even did an overnight somewhere in the Sierras. It was the coolest ever and made me fall IN LOVE with the Sierras and that whole area.

      • I grew up in Ridgecrest. Where the 14 meets the 395. We “proudly” display a sign saying “Visit Ridgecrest: Gateway to Death Valley” on the freeways that pass near town. Pass near, but do not go through…

  7. Where there’s a will, there’s a way… Warf warf. I’ve told PF that I want to be given away for spare parts, and the rest can be cremated and used as fertiliser for the tomatoes. As for the only thing I own, my clapped out VW, it’ll probably end up in the hands of Bigfoot cos the state wouldn’t touch it with a barge-pole…… 🙂

  8. I don’t have I will, but I’m all for organ donation. What do they do to a body after that? Doesn’t matter, I can’t feel or see anything, so who cares?!
    I just realized that I need a number two and three too. Can we pick the monkey? He’s really cute.

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